Discovering Steady Ground

When I see clients in my practice, more often than not, they are looking to eliminate something painful in their lives – anxiety, depression, conflict, rage, physical and emotional pain, shame. Understandably, they want to be rid of things in their inner emotional world and in their relationships that leave them feeling discomfort and cause suffering for themselves and those in their lives. It’s a wish that makes sense – to want to be rid of something that we experience…

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I said something in my own therapy today that left me reflecting for the rest of the day. I was discussing with my therapist what it means to want—the nuanced difference between wanting and receiving, of fully allowing yourself to go after what you want and creating congruency between desire and reality. The conversation then moved to deserving—what do I think I deserve? Deserve is an interesting word. It’s intrinsically tied to our sense of self-worth—whether we believe we are worthy of goodness…

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I recently invented a family game, intended to foster connection, communication, and self reflection. The game is called, “Mentalizing Marbles”. In order to understand the game, you need to first understand the concept of mentalizing.  Mentalization is a cognitive process in which a person can recognize and decipher the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions of oneself and others. Engaging in mentalization helps people to better understand themselves and their experiences, taking into account their mental state, desires, values, and any…

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I had the most bananas experience yesterday. I believe that’s the clinical term for it; bananas.  Someone who I had set a clear boundary with and asked for space made a choice to be about as close as humanly possible to me in a gym in which there was plenty of room to be elsewhere. They were literally inches from my body for an extended period of time, choosing an exercise machine beside me, when several others were available. And…

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My cousin sent me a text last night. It was a post from her dad, my uncle, who is the son of a Holocaust survivor. He’s the son of my 101-year-old Grandfather who was a prisoner in concentration camps for over 5 years while he was starved, tortured, and enslaved and while his entire family was brutally murdered. I won’t repeat the post because I do not wish to trigger anyone further, but it’s a MAGA-forward post about reclaiming our…

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“I have no idea how to be a therapist today.” That was the first text I read this morning among other texts from colleagues all sitting dumbfounded by the unthinkable: another Trump presidency. I remember in 2016 going to bed early with a migraine but confident that things were looking good. I had just rocked my infant daughter to bed, excited that she would get to see a woman be president of our country. I awoke to my heart dropping…

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In the spirit of Halloween, I’m going to write about something really scary that’s been a theme in my writing this year….letting go, moving on, and saying goodbye to relationships and people who are no longer healthy for you to be involved with.  Today is actually a big anniversary for me. It marks the beginning of the end of a relationship that was deeply painful for me. At the time, I thought the ending was one of the worst things…

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Yesterday a deeper therapy conversation about one’s sense of self and values unexpectedly led to a discussion about Harry Potter houses. Then again, for those of you who know me (and who know my love of Harry Potter, The Enneagram, and personality assessments in general) it may come as no surprise that I’ve taken a sorting hat quiz, or two, or fifteen over the years. Though unlike other personality tests, which have sometimes fluctuated for me between two or three…

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In music, a composition for an individual instrumental audition will often also come with an accompaniment. For example, when I would have an oboe audition, there was usually a piano accompaniment that was written for the piece that would support my main melodic part, would offer my piece some rests, and would enhance the overall musicality of the composition. When there is an accompaniment given in a piece of music, it is meant to be an additive process, making the…

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