Relationships are hard. Whether it’s with a child, a romantic partner, a marriage, a friendship, a family member, or even a therapeutic relationship; any deep, meaningful relationship you are in will have conflict and bumps along the way. When you make yourself vulnerable and open your heart up to something or someone, it is bound to come with hurts.

Anyone who is a parent knows how challenging and complex the relationship is with their children. Obviously this is not an equal relationship, but it is still certainly one filled with many opportunities for conflict and struggle. In romantic relationships, people may spend many decades with another person who gets to see them at their highest highs and lowest lows and they have to find ways to navigate a life together, often with disagreements and misunderstandings along the way. And even in therapy, the relationship can be quite hard. As a therapist you form intimate relationships with people who are sharing the most tender, sometimes shameful parts of themselves, and a variety of different emotions and memories can be triggered throughout the work. If you do the work openly and deeply enough, conflict is bound to arise. 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, though, about how it’s in these relationships that challenge us the most that we have the most opportunity for growth and connection. I used to watch the show, “Scrubs”, and one of the quotes that has stuck with me the most was when one of the lead characters said: “Nothing in this life that’s worth having comes easy.” That statement really resonates for me, especially as I think about the relationships in my life that are my biggest blessings and sources of strength, growth, and support, while also sometimes being really, really hard. There’s an ease to all of those relationships of course — whether it’s a strong rapport, mutual respect, safety, ease of conversation, shared values, etc. — but it doesn’t come without struggle, conflict, and sometimes even pain. That being said, I firmly believe that if we continue to show up in the relationships we hold most dear and bring our full, authentic selves forward, we have the greatest and most meaningful opportunities for connection. We risk getting hurt, but we can gain the ability to heal. We risk hurting others, but we can learn to apologize and make repairs. We risk being raw and exposed and judged, but we can experience being truly loved and seen. Relationships are hard, but I think within those sacred relationships we hold most dear, lies our ability to understand ourselves and experience growth that far outweighs the struggles.