2020 has been off to an exciting (and at times exhausting!) start, which is why I have been remiss in posting lately. In January I completed a therapy training that I had been working towards for the past several months, took a trip with family, and began a yoga teacher training program. In embarking on this training, I expected to become more connected to my own personal yoga practice in this process, but I didn’t anticipate making such quick and meaningful connections with my training group. The women in this group are truly wonderful people who are giving, honest, brave, and introspective, and I cannot believe how much I have learned already from my teachers and fellow students so early into the process. My heart is full of lots of warm fuzzy feelings and my body is filled with very achy, sore muscles after several hours spent practicing the alignment of various poses this weekend! I will share more about this another time, but before I can do that, I want to reflect on an experience that almost prevented me from getting to the training.

The other morning I was on the freeway when my engine suddenly went out. I have never had this happen before and it took me a little time to orient myself to what had happened. As my speedometer started to rapidly decline despite my pressing harder on the gas pedal, and an engine light came on my dashboard, it finally clicked. Luckily, there were less cars on the road and I was able to safely exit the highway before coming to a stop. I did smell smoke, though, so I was hesitant to wait in the car, and I proceeded to stand in the cold and wind (of course on the one day I wore heels!) for about an hour until a tow truck was able to assist. For the next few hours, as I tried to get things in order, I kept trying to ground myself and tell myself I was safe and everything would be okay, but I still felt so unsettled and uprooted. 

Later in the day, as I was sharing some of what happened with a fellow yoga trainee, she mentioned to me that sometimes a person’s house and car can be an illuminating symbol of what is going on in their life, specifically their mental and emotional experience. As I sat with this idea, my perspective started to shift. Instead of just seeing the negativity of my experience and all the details of the story that happened, I became curious about how there may be greater symbolism or learning to take in. I realized that, just like my car, maybe I seem to be “running” effectively, but when I really checked in, I realized that I was actually feeling quite depleted. Yes, the past month has been filled with wonderful moments and experiences, and, at the same time, it has also been filled with a lot of sleepless nights, hectic scheduling, family sicknesses, and other events that have left me a bit overtired and spent. 

For me, it was helpful to use this symbolism about my car as a tool for introspection. I am not saying to take it completely literally, and I also know there are awful things that happen in life that cannot in any way be lightened or better explained by this type of connection. But, if you find it helpful, perhaps think about reflecting on what is going on in your car or home and how that may connect to your mental state– Is it cluttered and disorganized? Do you feel the need to keep it pristine and perfect? Is your gas tank always running on empty? It may be interesting what you discover when you make these connections. In coming away from my car troubles, I learned that, despite my best efforts, exhaustion snuck up on me and perhaps I need some extra TLC and refueling for my system. In learning this, I am making a commitment to doing things that promote keeping my engine healthy and running effectively. This means taking breaks every day for self care, really sticking with my meditation and exercise practices, and relying on the support and offerings of the loved ones around me. I am realizing that at times when I am busy, I need extra to support myself and rest so that I don’t let my engine unexpectedly peter out on me!