I recently did a ropes course with my husband. It was amazing to be up in the trees in nature and to be in touch with the adventurous, playful parts of my personality. One of the most important aspects of participating in a ropes course is safety. Something that really struck me during the experience was how at each station there was a sign that read “Are you attached?” at the entrance. What this sign was referring to was that before you begin the course, you need to ensure proper attachment to the cable so that if you were to fall while up in the air, the cable would catch you and you would be safe. It literally could be life or death (or at a minimum, a severe injury) if you are not attached.

My wheels started turning as I took this in. The most important thing to do in order to be safe on this course was to remain attached….I sat with that over the next several days and realized how critical this message is off of the ropes course as well. Attachment theory in psychology believes that attachment is vital to our survival as infants and remains crucial to our physical and mental wellness throughout all stages of life. Proper, safe attachment revolves around our need as human beings to form close bonds with others and to know at a core level that we can depend on other people and feel safe both in relationships and as we move about the world independently. As an infant and child, secure attachment gives a person the foundation they need to feel that it is safe to explore their environment and relate to others, and children who have secure attachment have an environment in which caregivers consistently respond to them, comfort them, and tend to their needs. The importance of healthy attachment continues into adulthood and is evident in how we relate with family, friends, and romantic partners. These relationships help someone to feel connected to others, enhance the capacity for empathy, increase a person’s ability to set healthy boundaries, and give someone a sense of purpose, safety, and stability as they move through life. To state it simply – attachment matters and is vital to our wellbeing. 

So, how do we check in to make sure we are sufficiently attached as we go about our lives as adults? For starters, it’s important to work on the attachment you feel to yourself. This may sound cliche, but it’s understandable that in order to feel connected to others, you first need to feel connected to yourself. This might look like checking in with yourself throughout the day to tune in to the present moment by engaging with your five senses, paying close attention to your body and its cues for hunger and sleep on a regular basis, and practicing meditation, yoga, and/or journaling to connect more deeply to your body and emotions. Building a relationship with yourself takes effort, just like it takes conscious effort to form a relationship with others. 

As you foster a solid attachment with yourself, there are also other areas that can be developed to deepen secure attachment to others. Being able to actively experience and express your emotions in healthy ways helps strengthen communication skills and opens up the lines for connecting to the people around you. It is also very important to lean into relationships that are positive and rewarding and to distance yourself from relationships that are unsafe or draining. Lastly, working with a skilled therapist to heal underlying attachment wounds can be an essential and deeply rewarding aspect of building a secure attachment base within yourself and in relationships. 

As I reflect upon my ropes course experience, it was really interesting to embody the importance of attachment. I got to experience not just interpersonally, but physically, what it is like to be securely attached – to have a felt sense of security in knowing that something is there and really is holding you up and supporting you. I can’t think of many things in life that are more important than knowing you are attached, that you are connected and safe, to and with other human beings.