Yesterday a deeper therapy conversation about one’s sense of self and values unexpectedly led to a discussion about Harry Potter houses. Then again, for those of you who know me (and who know my love of Harry Potter, The Enneagram, and personality assessments in general) it may come as no surprise that I’ve taken a sorting hat quiz, or two, or fifteen over the years. Though unlike other personality tests, which have sometimes fluctuated for me between two or three varying results, this one had always been consistent…I was a Hufflepuff. 

Not only was I a Hufflepuff, but I was proud to be a Hufflepuff. Being a Hufflepuff made sense to me and has been largely congruent with my inner world and life experience. Hufflepuffs are loyal, care deeply about their family and friends, love animals, are hard working, and fight for justice. And above all, they are kind. Perhaps even to a fault. Gosh, I love(d) being a Hufflepuff! Throughout the conversation in revealing my Puff identity to this person, it was clear that I was proud. But the other person pushed deeper and was asking me why and what it meant to me to be seen as kind and why that was of such importance to me. I had never really thought about that before. I never questioned why I was pleased to get this result over the other options. And then I started to wonder throughout the day, is this even accurate about me? On another personality test, for years I thought I was one personality type over another because I seemed more like that type and liked being seen as such, but I eventually realized that it was really a different type that matched more of my inner world, actions, and heart. Was my Harry Potter house the same situation and did I need to reassess my Hufflepuff-ness? 

The limitation in personality tests and any self assessment is that we answer questions from only our perception of ourselves, at any given moment in time, and with what we want to see as the truth. And even if we have done a lot of soul searching and inner work and try to look at ourselves openly and honestly, our view of ourselves will always and forever be constrained by our blind spots (because we are all imperfect, flawed humans), our motivations and agendas to see ourselves in a certain light (whether or not this matches reality), and the perspective of another person and how they perceive and experience us (which is also a limited and imperfect view of us through their own lens). All of this is to say, personality tests and assessments are complex and nuanced, much like the people who take them. 

I continued into my evening thinking deeply about this, and my 2:30 pm 20 oz latte that I’m near certain was NOT the decaf that I had ordered probably did not help matters. I could not stop being curious about how we see ourselves, how we want to see ourselves, and how much this matches reality…and whose reality is it, anyway? So. Many. Questions.

My kids have always been fascinated with the sorting hat quiz too, so I decided to share with them my conversation from earlier in the day. They were thrilled to join in the conversation and asked if we could all take the test again. As my son retested he noted, “It’s interesting to look at the questions and answer…And do I say what I really want or what I think I should want?” We paused and discussed that for some time. My kids talked about how they want to be seen and how they would want other people to describe them and why this was important to them. They each requested that their sibling not view their answers. The discussion was connecting and open, but the answers felt personal to them; they needed to know that they could answer freely and without judgment, interference, or persuasion from their sibling’s opinion. They also wanted to know that it was okay to answer that perhaps they would get a Howler for doing something “bad”; that it didn’t change how I saw them or define their whole being. I marveled at how my kids had pride in being who they are; they weren’t afraid to own the parts of them that were cunning, determined, ambitious, eccentric, and bold. They both prioritized being seen as “kind” in our discussion, but their answers reflected that this didn’t dominate their sense of self.

When it was my time to take the test, I noticed that many of my answers were still the same as they had always been and were congruent with my heart; not just who I thought I should be or needed to be but what feels authentic to who I actually am and have been throughout my life. But some of the answers, if I was really honest with myself, were different. There were questions where I realized I historically thought I was more pleasing to people and more likable when I subdued certain authentic aspects of myself and turned up my Hufflepuff traits, since those come easily to me. And hence, between my propensity towards Hufflepuff, a few answers that weren’t really sincere, and then when the sorting hat factors in your preference at the end and I had always answered, “Hufflepuff”, voilà, I’m a ‘Puff! 

I still came up as a Hufflepuff. But this time, another house was a very close second, by just a few percentage points lower. My daughter suggested, “Mom, what if you don’t say you want to be a Hufflepuff when the sorting hat asks at the end for your choice? Then what do you get?” I retested again, all of my answers the same. Though in the final question when the sorting hat asked where I wanted to be placed, I did not answer Hufflepuff. If you remember the books, the sorting hat considers how the student sees themselves and what house they want to be placed in as a factor in where a student gets placed. So last night, I chose to see myself differently than I have in the many, many times I have taken this test over the years. I decided to step into something other than my “kind” and “nice” self and instead, I chose to embrace my fierce, loyal, impulsive, determined, and heart on my sleeve self. For the first time, the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor.