“I have no idea how to be a therapist today.” That was the first text I read this morning among other texts from colleagues all sitting dumbfounded by the unthinkable: another Trump presidency. I remember in 2016 going to bed early with a migraine but confident that things were looking good. I had just rocked my infant daughter to bed, excited that she would get to see a woman be president of our country. I awoke to my heart dropping to the floor as my husband shared the update. 

And this time feels even more devastating. That 8 years later, after all we have seen this man do, he still won. Parts of me are devastated and heartbroken, parts of me feel insane and confused, and many parts are just plain enraged. I am so furious that more than half of my country wouldn’t pick a qualified, brilliant woman of color over a convicted felon who displays narcissism, racism, and sexism as casual daily ways of being in the world and who lacks a moral compass entirely. Quite frankly, parts of me are disgusted with and feel betrayed by my fellow Americans right now. I simply cannot believe we are here. Again. 

All of this said, in a few hours, I’ll be holding space for others professionally as a therapist as my clients share their various experiences and feelings about this election outcome. I will be sitting with clients who have survived sexual abuse and narcissistic parenting who will be feeling deeply activated by him back in power, and I will be sitting with queer and immigrant clients and female clients who are terrified about their rights and access to safety. I will be sitting with fury and terror all day. 

So how do we show up as therapists when our hearts are breaking with our clients’ hearts simultaneously? And how do we hold space for so much collective pain? I don’t know that I have a great answer for that, but I can share where I plan to start. Today I plan to show up as a human being above all else. Yes, I will hold a stable container for my clients and keep the focus on them, but I also truly believe and value that sometimes our humanity and vulnerability as therapists is so very critical, especially in these moments. I want to be able to reflect back that their experience is real and valid, and I am okay with them knowing that I am hurting too. If I get to show up to work today as a human being, I will be better able to hold space for others, and then the people sitting across from me will actually have someone present to connect with. 

Another piece I’m tracking somatically, both within myself and in my clients, is that so many people have been holding their breaths for months anticipating this election and now cannot take the collective exhale they were so desperately needing. I think it’s important to really name that. Like what do we do and how do our bodies brace and tense when we do not feel the air around us is safe to breathe? How can we support that feeling of holding it all in and can we find something safe, right here right now, to land on together? That might look like just acknowledging that the air in my office is safe to breathe even if the air in the greater world feels unsafe. It might look like using weighted items to help land. Or maybe simply naming and acknowledging it is enough; to let clients know, “yeah, there’s so much of you that’s bracing right now and can’t safely take a deep breath. That makes so much sense to me.” 

I feel it’s equally important to hold space for our clients’ intense anger right now and NOT rush them to regulate if they need to express their fury about what is happening. While of course it is important to help clients feel more within their window of tolerance, sometimes it is really important and could even be harmful to not let clients’ raw emotions come through, especially so soon after such a shocking and traumatic event. My hope for myself today and in the coming days is to be able to not just allow my clients’ understandable rage about what is happening, but to actually give their fury support and permission to fully come forward. Clients may not get this anywhere else other than in therapy and I believe it can be transformative for a client to sit with a therapist who can meet and welcome, rather than shame or try to subdue, strong emotion. 

So this is how I am going to attempt to be a therapist today. I’m going to be a human first and foremost. I’ll be ethical and professional and act in my clients’ best interest of course. And I may also be just a little more vulnerable and a little more overtly validating today. I’m going to hold all intense parts of my clients with the highest regard and try to do the same for myself. And I’m going to probably be clumsy. Very clumsy. I think and hope though that the more authenticity I bring to today, the better chance I have of getting through the day in one piece. 

Take care of yourself today and in the coming days ahead .