With the holidays here, I have been thinking a lot about time spent with family, the different dynamics and interactions that occur within holiday gatherings, and of course, the act of giving gifts. It’s very easy and common, especially during the holidays, to see how the people around us are acting or behaving differently from how we would wish of them. We may experience a lot of “shoulds” in our inner dialogue — “they should be helping more with cooking”, “that person should be more engaged with me”, or “they should have not given me this gift”. When we are focusing on what someone “should” do, though, we are not giving that person the freedom to be who they are. Instead, we are trying to project onto them how WE want or need them to be, which is likely to create a lot of tension and strain in the relationship if we act out that inner dialogue, or at a minimum, will create tension and resistance inside of ourselves. 

Instead, to be truly giving to those around you, try to eliminate the “shoulds” this holiday season. I think perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can offer to another person is simply to let them be exactly who they are. This does not mean that we do not still have our feelings and opinions about our interactions with others and their behaviors. And it does not mean that we should not advocate for ourselves and hold boundaries when it is necessary. It does mean checking in with ourselves though and noticing when are we trying to change someone else —  when are we trying to control someone else’s actions or behaviors in a way that is not allowing them the space and freedom to be who they are. I believe that we create increased harmony in our relationships when we can let someone else be themselves, and in doing so, we are also giving ourselves permission and freedom to be exactly who we are, too. 

Wishing you a happy and healthy holiday season and New Year!