One thing I’ve been working on a lot lately is making space for all feelings. Not trying to push away the “bad” or unpleasant ones, not trying to desperately hold onto those more enjoyable to experience, but accepting that there is enough room for all of the feelings I have to exist at once without a need to change or fix them.

Now, I’m not saying I do this seamlessly. In fact, quite the opposite. But I often remember an experience with my son that really highlighted for me how effective it is when you do make space for all thoughts and feelings to be present and how to sit with and validate them without trying to fix anything.

When my son turned 3, things got a lot more challenging in our household. Our new baby was now 6 months old and starting to crawl. Instead of being his brand new adorable sister who slept most of the time, she became a baby who was up more frequently, was crawling all over the place, needed more of mommy and daddy’s attention, and worst of all, went after her big brother’s toys. My son did not respond too kindly to this at times.

One day when I was putting him in for his nap time he got upset that his sister was also with us in the room. This was not an uncommon situation for us and he said, “No, I don’t want her. Get her out. I want her to leave”. I remember this moment so well because it was one of the first times since becoming a mom of two that I really tapped into my inner experience and noticed how tense my body was and how much I was struggling. I could feel my strong impulse to want to immediately make things better for him. And, if I’m honest, I wanted to just rationalize the situation for my own sake. I wanted to explain why she had to be there and how I couldn’t do things differently, I wanted to make him feel better and ward off his disappointment and frustration, and I wanted to feel better myself about his feelings regarding our newest family member.

Instead of getting into fix-it mode though, I decided to check in with him. I think I said something along the lines of, “Are you feeling frustrated that we can’t do nap time just you and me anymore and that she has to be here too?” Once I asked him that and validated that it was okay for him to feel this way, his entire mood shifted. It did not change or erase his frustration, but it allowed it to just be what it was. By showing him that I was comfortable with his anger and disappointment, I think (hope!) it allowed him to feel that way. That he can love his sister and also not want her there at the same time. It was such a nice reminder for me that when I give myself permission to make space and allow different feelings to exist, there is less resistance and more inner freedom.