Happy New Year! I hope that everyone is having a good start to 2020. I know that as the new year comes in, many people, myself included, think a lot about what they want a new year to look like — what new personal goals we want to achieve, what projects we want to start (and/or finish!), and a slew of ways we hope to make changes in our lives. The problem with resolutions, especially those of the loftier variety,…
With the holidays here, I have been thinking a lot about time spent with family, the different dynamics and interactions that occur within holiday gatherings, and of course, the act of giving gifts. It’s very easy and common, especially during the holidays, to see how the people around us are acting or behaving differently from how we would wish of them. We may experience a lot of “shoulds” in our inner dialogue — “they should be helping more with cooking”,…
With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought it would be appropriate to do a post on gratitude. I was thinking a lot today about how challenging this year has been for me, and how, at the same time, there is so much I feel especially grateful for this year. I know sometimes I feel guilty that if I focus on or make space for the negative and tough things in life, then I am not really practicing gratitude. This…
Relationships are hard. Whether it’s with a child, a romantic partner, a marriage, a friendship, a family member, or even a therapeutic relationship; any deep, meaningful relationship you are in will have conflict and bumps along the way. When you make yourself vulnerable and open your heart up to something or someone, it is bound to come with hurts. Anyone who is a parent knows how challenging and complex the relationship is with their children. Obviously this is not an…
The other day I was playing with my daughter and she wanted to have a pretend camp-out in her room. We set up a sleeping bag as her campsite and were ready to go. As the next part of our game, she wanted me to hand her toys to pack in her “tent.” As I was handing her different items, one at a time as I was being instructed to do, she said, “No, do it calmly mommy. Do it…
When we look at other people around us, it may be easy at times to wonder – “Why is their life so much better than mine?” We may question why others have the things we desire and why we are less than or inferior in some way. An important saying I have heard many times is, “Don’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside.” People put out only what they want others to see, especially in the world of social…
I just went on a trip to New York to visit the area where I grew up. My son had been asking for months to go to the Bronx Zoo for his birthday and also wanted to see my childhood home and school. When I revisited my high school, I got to see some of my favorite teachers and my guidance counselor who I had been close with throughout my four years there. As I stood talking with each of…
“Can you please put on your shoes so we can get going?” This was my third time asking my son to do so, and this time, it was more of an angry sounding demand than an even-toned request. After no response (again) and it being 5 pm on a Thursday afternoon (which meant I was hungry and tired), I loudly pleaded, “Please just put your shoes on already!” The moment those words left my mouth my son broke down crying….
It’s easy to opt out of doing something because you feel afraid. Your pulse may race, you may shake, you may experience anxiety and conjure up negative thoughts and stories in your mind. When we feel afraid, it’s common to want to run away from whatever is causing us to be afraid. Unfortunately, though, we would likely miss out on many beneficial life experiences if we avoided everything that elicited fear in our minds and bodies. If you read my…
It never ceases to amaze me how kids are far more comfortable with topics that we as adults often find “off limits” or taboo to bring up openly. My 3-year-old has continually been processing her experience of my father’s death out loud with us. She will regularly — and matter-of-factly — state, “Baca died.” (Baca is the name my son came up with for my dad when he was a baby.) Sometimes my daughter asks me “When will I die?”…